September was a very difficult month. The details aren’t
important, and compared to others struggling, my difficulties related to
career, purpose, fear, value, and future are pretty lame.
However, it has made me pay attention to when I smile…
1) When my daughters choose AC/DC
My daughters are awesome and they like all kinds of music.
Mostly country and pop, but sometimes hard rock (Flyleaf). Last week they were
searching stations and all these songs blurted out of the radio…”na”, “no”,
“ICK”, and then they turned it to classic rock. AC/DC…and they kept it. Later
that week they stopped when they heard Aerosmith.
I instantly broke into a wide “Proud Dad” smile. Of all the
crap that’s on the radio…they pick the SAME SONG I chose when I was their age,
and feared my dad would find out! But this time, their dad smiled, and sang
along.
2) When pup catches a frisbee
Ever since this damn dog arrived, I’ve invested countless
hours training it so it would behave and be a reasonable member of the
household. But beyond all the effort, when I throw a sailing frisbee, and she
bolts down the yard…and catches it, it just makes me smile. Lately it’s been
the first thing in the day that makes me smile...which is sad when it happens
at 5:50pm, but it is just that much more appreciated.
What an amazing dog (dammit)
3) When the band hits the accents
I played last weekend with my wife singing and my oldest son
drumming. Just that thought makes me smile, but in one song there’s a big
build-up, with an accent on the “4 and”. We all nailed it, and it brought a
smile.
Not just in a “love playing” kind of smile, but in a “What a
rare treat to be so in sync with this young man whom I am so proud of … who he
is and who he’s becoming ... that I cherish every moment I’m even around him...
and delight when we’re playing music together and HITTING THE “4 AND”!!
4) When the ball gets past me
My youngest has recently been interested in soccer. Nearly
daily when I get home from work, I’m worn out and sad (see above
struggles). One of the first things he
asks is, “You wanna play soccer?” It’s usually the last thing I want to do, but
I go out and do it. I’m not exercising enough so I figured 15 minutes of
running around and jogging in place while goalie is something…and then he
scores.
What a great feeling to play my best and be bested by my
youngest. He scores, shows hustle, and I just can’t keep from smiling.
5) When my wife takes my hand
Lately I’ve been so distracted when I walk from point A to B
that it completely surprises me when she walks up and holds my hand. That small
gesture reaffirms that she still wants me around. I’m not sure why. I’ve
seriously not earned any “you’re worthwhile” points. It sometimes surprises me
when she still smiles at me. But it really makes me smile.
~~~~~~
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me…I’m so focused on how to
improve career, purpose, fear, value, and future, that I am forgetting that
what makes me smile (relationships and music) really have nothing to do with
that.
Maybe THAT’S what I should focus on and the rest will work
itself out.
