Lately I've been struggling with a burden.
This burden requires to be fed every day. I have to maintain
it, care for it, provide a place for it to thrive, and protect it from
predators.
It is also my responsibility to shape how it grows.
Sometimes it's fun...seeing it respond to my pruning and shaping is very
satisfying. Sometimes it's irritating...seeing no reaction no matter what kind
of work I put into it. Sometimes it's maddening...seeing an opposite
reaction...I try to follow the "care and feeding" books, but mine
seems to require unique care so most of time I'm at a loss of what to do.
At times I think my burden is growing fine, and I think I
can start focusing on what I want to do. However, just when I start on
something I've wanted to get to for a year or so, I glance at my burden and it
obviously needs immediate help. Why doesn't it ever just grow like I want it? I
feel stuck and don't know what to do.
If I asked you for advice what would you suggest?
I'm guessing it would depend on what exactly this burden is.
What if I told you my burden is my bonsai trees (I've had
some for nearly 20 years)?
I'm guessing you would say to just give them away...or throw
them away. Some might suggest a Vader-esque 'goodbye' ceremony, complete with
15' funeral pyre. After all, if I'm that
burdened and it's affecting my whole life, a few mini-trees are not worth it.
What if I told you my burden is my 5 acre land?
I'm guessing you would say one of two things: 1) Hire out
the maintenance of it so you have time to do the things you want. Or, 2) move.
I would probably react defensively to both, but in the end, either would make
sense. Again, even though one requires more money, and the second requires a
drastic change of location...if my burden is affecting my life that much,
either option would be worth it.
What if I told you my burden is my kids?
I'm guessing you would say I'm an unappreciative, selfish
jerk who doesn't know how good I've got it...that I forgot that all kids are a
gift from God and I should cherish every moment with them...that my primary
purpose in life is to raise these kids the best I can so that when they're
grown they'll follow their path to a Godly life...and that once they're gone
I'm going to regret not soaking in every moment.
I agree.
I wish I didn't feel this now.
I wish I could adjust the aperture of the lens I'm looking
through right now...see the bigger picture...the rich colors surrounding me
from these wonderful humans I'm living life with.
I wish I could tell myself to just need to "grow a
pair" and accept the responsibility given to me.
But to be honest, all I want to do right now is put my wife
in the passenger seat of our imaginary Nissan 350z roadster (that we'd purchase
with no gymnastics training to pay for), drive to our get-a-way in Puerto
Peñasco Mexico (that sleeps 2), mix a large jug of margarita, play all day in
the Sea of Cortez, have a beach campfire, make mexican s'mores, sing to RCPM
music, work on our new platinum-selling album, and sleep under the stars to end
the day.
